In It For The Money

Films I do not want to see this summer:


Sex And The City 2
Why, Lord, why? As if the first film wasn't excruciating enough. And there really was no need for a second movie, except to squeeze one last chunk of cash out of the franchise. The first movie tied up all the loose storylines in a nice little bow and gave everyone the Happily Ever After the audience wanted. So why not leave it there? And yes, I have watched the first movie, but I stress that I did so under duress.
I liked the series when it began, because it was very funny...the characters were broadly-drawn caricatures who got into ridiculous situations and had lots of sex. Fair enough. But then suddenly people started taking them seriously, and wanting to be like them! And that's when it all went wrong.


Twilight: Eclipse
I'll keep this brief, because I've already rubbished Twilight elsewhere in this blog and it would be mean to do it again. But, really, what IS all the fuss about? The movies are dull and slow, Bella is an annoying sullen brat, Edward ditto, and Jacob is just there as a piece of inappropriately fanciable jailbait ass. Where is the plot here?!


Films I DO want to see this summer:


Prince of Persia
Yes, it's based on a computer game (a version of which I think I once played a demo of many years ago on my friend's Playstation), and yes, it's made by Disney. But it's got Ben Kingsley (sorry, Sir Ben Kingsley) playing a goateed baddie and doing his very best Ming The Merciless impersonation! What more do you need? Apart from Jake Gyllenhaal, looking lovely as ever. The trailer actually looks quite impressive. Even if it turns out to be a plotless piece of shite (a la Pirates of the Caribbean 2 & 3), it certainly promises to be visually stunning.


Inception
I know nothing about this movie, except that it's written and directed by Christopher Nolan. But that's enough for me! I just watched the trailer, and I'm still none the wiser!


Films I've seen recently that blew my socks off:


Iron Man 2
It rocks. It's got Mickey Rourke as a Russian badass physicist, Sam Rockwell as a sleazy company asshole, and an AC/DC soundtrack. And Robert Downey Jr. Who is superb. As ever.


Four Lions
Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenius. But due to its subject matter I wouldn't be surprised if somebody tried to ban it*. Chris Morris has that effect on people.


*And surprise, surprise, there were calls to ban it! But that doesn't seem to have hampered its ratings.

Feeling The Pull

You may have noticed this blog's been kinda quiet lately. And that's not due to laziness on my part, I swear, I have had no internet for the last few weeks due to a delay while switching suppliers. And during this internet down-time, I have had an opportunity to reflect on the fact that the internet is a dangerous, addictive, albeit useful, waste of time.

Yes, I have been inconvenienced by a lack of iPlayer and the instant gratification of having the sum of human knowledge at your finger tips (which I use mainly to find out what I've seen actors in because I'm sure I've seen them in something before, but I'm not sure what and it's really bugging me), but I have also not been a slave to the insidious nuisance that is Facebook. Being connected to the entire world 24 hours a day is not, I'm sure, entirely a good thing. I resisted joining Facebook for a long time, but after I did I would spend half the day thinking up things to write in my status, and would rush to the computer as soon as I got home to inform the world what I'd been doing all day. Which, when you come to think of it, is tragically sad. And rather egotistical: as if the world cares! I'm sure most of the world has better things to do than 'like' my status updates, so why do I make the effort to (try to) write something witty and amusing?! But that's the thing - most of the world actually doesn't have anything better to do, based on the evidence. Not content with spending all evening on Farmville or posting random nonsense and LOLcats (I love them, I'll admit it!) all evening at home, some people spend all day on Facebook at work as well! Leading many companies (and Universities) to block FB on their networks because they're losing countless hours of work time from their employees.

And having spent 3 weeks without internet, what was the first thing I did when I discovered it was back up and running today? Yes, update my Facebook status! Followed by writing this blog to tell the world about my feelings of disgust at myself for updating my Facebook status. Having discovered that life without the internet IS possible, I'd like to think that I will now spend less time using it, but let's face it, it's not going to happen. Boredom will suck me back in, and I will be its bitch again in no time!

This Is A Low

Been sitting here listening to Parklife (because To The End was used in an episode of Misfits I watched earlier - brilliant show!) and wondering how I could have forgotten how good Blur were. I loved them intensely when I was a teenager, but then kind of forgot about them. I don't even own Think Tank. Maybe I'll have to rectify that next time I'm in Fopp. Because they really were bloody good. I missed them at Glastonbury last year (one of my two great Glasto regrets, the other being missing David Bowie in 2000), not because I didn't have a ticket - I did - but because we'd had a bit of a disastrous weekend and by Sunday evening I was so knackered that I was just ready to go home. And I thought Blur would just be a bit of a nostalgia-fest...amusing, but irrelevant. So I went home and watched the set on TV. And immediately wished I was back in that field. I'd have been squashed and hot and probably falling asleep on my feet, but I'd have been there. At the start of every song I was sitting there going "Oh, wow!", and I still remembered all the words, even after so long. Blur were one of my first musical loves, and are one of the few bands that I always wanted to see that I never did. It's a short list, and they're somewhere near the top.

I don't regret going home early, because I really think I'd have been dying on my feet if I had stayed there, but I do regret missing Blur. I need them to do a few more smaller gigs so I can see them! But it won't happen. They are now firmly retired.

So that's my little Sunday evening reverie. I'm gonna go dig out Modern Life is Rubbish.

Shoot The Runner

Since I've already departed from film into books, I might as well depart further...into the subject of sport. Well, not sport exactly, but P.E. Physical Education. The bane of my school life (which, thankfully, is now many years behind me). A radical change of subject perhaps, but what brought it on was a comedy gig I went to tonight by Chris Addison (if you don't know who he is, I'm not going to explain. That's what Wikipedia is for!), and he was talking about being crap at sports at school. And I can sympathise, because I was likewise crap at sports. Not due to lack of talent as such (although there were some sports that I was genuinely crap at...what sadist invented rounders anyway?!), but due to lack of motivation. I had the body of a runner, but not the will of a runner. I just couldn't see the point. And I was a bit suspicious of the people who were seriously into sports, I wondered if maybe they were missing a crucial part of their brain, the part that says, "No, I don't want to go run in circuits round a field on a cold rainy day while being loudly berated by an angry P.E. teacher in short shorts that were probably never flattering even back when he was young enough to have the legs for them, for being too slow. I'd much rather curl up here where it's nice and warm with a good book and a cup of hot chocolate. But thanks for asking".

So I was picked last for all the teams, or given crappy positions (what IS the point of a goal keeper in netball anyway? Because the shooter can just stand about an inch outside of your little circle that you're trapped in and shoot from there, and you can do fuck all to stop them! Netball is an evil sport). Or made to play rounders when everyone else was playing the cool sports like basketball or hockey on the dreaded Inter-Tutor Group Sports Day. Have I mentioned that I fucking hate rounders? Just, why? Fucking why?! A bat about the thickness of a twig, a tiny ball, and weedy kids who can't hit it more than 10 yards (if they can hit it at all). Yeah, that's gonna be a good game!

And now of course I'm an unfit lazy bitch who never does excercise of any form, and has such an inbuilt hatred of sports and sport centres that I would rather die of a heart attack than actually join a gym. And who is suspicious of people who run for enjoyment. Certainly city runners. I used to quite like going running in the countryside, usually while out with the dogs, but people who run in cities...there's got to be something wrong with them! What enjoyment is there to be had?

But cyclists, they are the kings of the mentalists: the lunatics running the sporting asylum. From the ugly aerodynamically-shaped helmets to the clingy lycra shorts, there is not a single thing right about urban cycling. For a start, you're just a moving target for impatient taxi drivers! What more reason do you really need to not do it?! Especially in a city like Glasgow where we have a road system so complicated that when you 're only halfway to where you wanted to go and it's taken twice the length of time you thought it should to get there, you really want to hit something! A passing cyclist could prove too much of a temptation for some people!



Disclaimer: I do not in any way condone the mowing down of cyclists as a form of anger management therapy, and nor would I ever consider practicing it myself. But I still maintain that cyclists are totally mental. Runners too.

 

The Story of my Heart

So, I know this blog was supposed to be about film, but I've already mentioned television in at least one post, so I might as well branch out into books. Because right now I'm more into books than I am films. Because I've been buried nose-deep in some very good books lately.

So far this year I have read...

The second Amber series by Roger Zelazny:

Five books, all reasonably short, all quite gripping, making up one coherent story. Well, if you're being technical it's ten books, because this series follows the trials and tribulations of Merlin, son of Corwin, who was the narrator and (occasionally) hero of the first five books. Their stories, and their personalities, are quite different, so they do really make up two separate series. The second of which is very hard to find in a book store! You can get all ten books in one volume, or just the first five, but not Merlin's series on its own. Which is a shame, because Merlin is actually a much more likeable character than his dad. He is much more human...he just wants to slack off and explore the multiverse, but discovers that his family (especially his ambitious and ruthless mother) have bigger plans for him. I won't go further into the plot because I don't want to spoilerise in case any of my 2 or 3 readers feel like giving it a go! You have to read Corwin first really, to learn what you need to know about the world of Amber, and all the family politics and history, but don't let that put you off...they're also fairly short books, and also very gripping!

The Night Watch and The Day Watch by Sergei Lukyanenko:

These books are the first two in a series of four. I've not gotten any further than The Day Watch yet, because I got distracted by another book that I'd been waiting to be released for a very long time (and which I will get to in a minute). The basic premise is that the Light and the Dark have been at war since the start of time, and their war is fought by Others, once human but endowed with magical powers, Light Ones and Dark Ones. But the war was creating too many losses (on both sides, and in terms of civilians), so a truce was called. The truce is upheld and enforced by the Day Watch (Dark Ones who keep a watchful eye on the forces of Light) and the Night Watch (Light Ones who watch the forces of Dark). Again, not going to spoilerise by going further into the plot, but will say that they are very, very worth reading! I found the first book a little more enjoyable than the second, mostly because it was narrated by Anton, who is a very interesting character, and it had a lovely style. The second book is written from several points of view, mostly in the third person. Which is a very good technique, because it allows you to see things from other angles and sympathise with the troops on both sides of their stalled war, but I have to say I missed Anton a little.
Both books are split into 3 different stories, which is again very cleverly done...the stories are all quite separate and unconnected at first, but then collide at the end of the book, tying things together. But not too neatly, because that would be boring. This series leaves plenty of room for grey areas, and that is what makes it so compelling.


The Midnight Mayor by Kate Griffin:

I'm still working on this one, and am only about a third of the way through, but I had to have a rave about it! I have been impatiently waiting for this book since I read A Madness of Angels in April last year (to which The Midnight Mayor is the sequel). I read the first book on the amazing strength of the review in SFX magazine when it first came out (it was the comparison to the work of Neil Gaiman that drew my eye), and they were damn right! About how good the book is, anyway. Comparisons to other authors are always dangerous and misleading...they are a little Gaiman-esque in that they deal with urban magic and are set in London (superficially like Neverwhere, also a superb book), but Kate (who also writes as Catherine Webb, and her teen fantasy and Victorian detective novels are also well worth reading) has her own style, and takes the ideas of magic and urban myth to very different places. And has created a highly likeable (and often pitiable!) character in Matthew Swift, narrator and reluctant hero of the two books. So go get your hands on a copy, and enjoy. You can thank me later!

Reflection of the Television

So, as predicted this blog is already looking lonely and unloved. What a bad Blog Mistress I am!

But I have been watching lots of films, so you could call it 'research'! Lately, I have been mostly watching....

Sam Rockwell films:

Quite a few of them! After Moon, I acquired Lawn Dogs, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, Choke, and Welcome to Collinwood (which I had seen before). I also saw Everybody's Fine in the cinema the other week. And I don't really know what to say about all of these films, apart from: go watch them! They're all great in their very different ways, and all have one thing in common: the brilliance of Sam Rockwell!

Funny Games (the English language remake):

A very strange film. Creepy, shocking, and with an ending that is not typical of this type of horror film (which also makes it quite surprising!). I don't know if it is much like the original (but since it was remade by the director if the original I imagine it's not far off), but it is a brave and pretty original shocker, with lots of psychological tension and relatively little gore (compared to a lot of modern horrors), with most of the really horrible stuff happening off screen (which just makes it all the more disturbing). Not sure you could call it 'entertaining', it's too grim for that, but it certainly is compelling!

The Best Man:

From one extreme to the other - this is a fluffy, funny, charming Stuart Townsend film. With Seth Green attempting a half-successul London accent (which is a little weird!). A fairly conventional chick flick, but quite a sweet one. And it has Stuart Townsend. What more do you need?...

Dorian Gray:

...maybe Ben Barnes? He is a very, very attractive man. And not a bad Dorian, even though he's dark rather than blonde and cherubic, and despite the fact that the writers of the movie felt the inevitable Hollywood need to make Dorian a half-likeable character, which, in the book, he really is not. You pity him finally, right at the end, but you can't like him. I had sort of expected to hate the film, having read and loved the book not too long before it came out, but it was very entertaining (and Ben Barnes is very pretty), so I can forgive it for deviating from the book. It is, as a film, pretty good, and I can enjoy it and the book on different levels. Which is quite rare with book adaptations, because I do get very attached to my books and hate to see them butchered! But while the story is changed here, it is not actually butchered. At least, not enough to ruin the film! So Dorian Gray gets a surprised thumbs up from me!

Easy Virtue:

Yes, I get a bit obsessed. I watched Dorian Gray, so I had to go find another Ben Barnes film! Easy Virtue is adapted from a Noel Coward play that I've not read. Part musical, part drama, part comedy, it could be quite disjointed, but it actually combines these elements quite successfully, and is a very good film. With some very good singing from all the cast (except Colin Firth, who is a superb and classy actor, but who thankfully doesn't attempt to sing here! I've seen St Trinians, and the singing at the end was not pretty. But it was damned funny!), the heavy lifting being done by Barnes, who can both sing and play piano! Who knew? (having been in a boy band is not a guarantee of talent!).


So that's what I've been watching lately. The highlights, at least! And my favourite of all these films? Choke. A lewd, funny, charming and rather sad film. And a bloody good one!

Vlad The Impaler

The early Hammer Horror films with Christopher Lee really started the whole vampire craze. Then of course in the 80's there was a whole spate of films, including Near Dark, The Lost Boys, and John Carpenter's Vampires. All good films. The 90's weren't such a good era for vampires, but they still managed to produce From Dusk Til Dawn and Vampire In Brooklyn (two of my favourite vampire movies). There have been a few poor attempts at vampire films since (including the Blade trilogy, which didn't really do much for me, I'm afraid), and Van Helsing (which, despite featuring the lovely Hugh Jackman, couldn't quite decide what it was, and sadly failed as both a horror and as a comedy).

But in the last few years we seem to have been bombarded with the undead, both in film and on TV...first Underworld, then Twilight, True Blood (brilliant), Being Human (even more brilliant), Daybreakers (fantastic vampire gore-fest), and now The Vampire Diaries. And soon we have The Wolfman (which I am actually quite excited about - the trailer is damn impressive).

Combining vampires and werewolves seems to be the real creature-feature obsession at the moment. Underworld was the first real attempt to combine them in one film, and I have to say it was very successful. The underlying mythos was well constructed and had some depth to it, providing a good story that made the film more than a simple vampires vs. werewolves brawl, which it could easily have become. And instead of the werewolves being painted merely as vicious animals, they were given a history and a motive, and, most importantly of all, a charismatic and intelligent leader. It could be argued that the third film, Rise of the Lycans, was unnecessary since the first film provided the highlights of the Lucian/Sonja story, but I think they carried it off well, again adding depth to the mythology that they had created. And they had such a superb actor in Michael Sheen that he gave the film, and the character, some real credibility.

Twilight also combines the two species. But the whole premise is just far too twee, teen angsty and romanticised to actually be a good horror film. Or even to count as horror at all. It is, let's face it, a teen romance. And a fairly dull, two-dimensional one at that. I really don't understand the hysteria surrounding the series, or the actors. I just don't get Robert Pattinson. The guy who plays Jacob is quite sweet but very, very young, which made the shirtless scenes a little uncomfortable. Is it right for women in their 30's to be lusting over a 17-year-old?! I haven't read the books, and having sat through the first two films (grudgingly), I can't say I feel any strong desire to try. The Vampire Diaries is another new vamp-based TV series imported from America. I saw a trailer for it the other day, and I'm afraid it just looks like Twilight all over again, with the same sickeningly romantic tweeness to it. But we'll see. I'll probably have to at least watch the first couple of episodes. Can't condemn something as crap if you haven't seen it!

There is also now a growing foreign contingent in the horror movie industry, especially from the Spanish, Russian, and Korean fronts, that must get a mention. Some of these countries have produced some very fine vampire films. Night Watch and Day Watch are Russian, and are adaptations of the first two of a series of four books (supposedly. Having just read the blurb for the second book, I suspect the film deviates heavily from the text!). Night Watch is poorly subtitled, which makes the story a little hard to follow in places, but it is a very good story, and another original take on the vampire genre. It sets up events nicely for the second film, which leaps quickly into the action and hurtles along to a very satisfying ending. And has much better subtitling! I'm intrigued enough to actually try reading the books now. Let The Right One In (Swedish) has also been a huge critical success, but I'm afraid I haven't gotten around to seeing it yet. It's at the top of my 'to watch' list, because it does look very good. And a foreign film has to be good to encourage lazy British crowds to actually pay attention and read the subtitles! Such hard work!